Stay, stay, stay
by flawlesspompeo
Summary: Two people are meant to be together. But what if fate keeps getting in the way? A completely A/U MerDer fanfic that tells a love story about not ever giving up.
1. Blink of an eye

_Chapter 1: Blink of an eye_

 _It was a Thursday when I first laid my eyes on Derek Shepherd. And no, it's not like I'm obsessed and I know every single detail about him, I just thought it was sort of a dramatic start. Okay, whatever, not the point. Moving on. He was new at school, and no one really paid much attention to him, except... Well, me._

 _I was never really a "oh-my-gosh-i-love-him-so-much" type of girl. In fact, quite the opposite. I think I was the only fifteen year old in my class who did not want a boyfriend, and wasn't one slightly bit interested in the topic. Until I met him._

 _He wasn't hot. Or cool. Or anything anyone at school wanted. He was kind of a geek. Who was annoyingly smart — which actually pissed me off at one point because I was always the smart one at school and he just came and ruined my life... — Okay, he may have not ruined it in that moment._

 _During his first months in Seattle we had two different kind of interaction between us. The first one was that he was always eating these... candies I think... And he did this annoying thing where he would just throw every single candy wrapper, to my face. Sixteen year old throwing things at girls to call their attention, yeah real mature... I'm still shocked over that fact too, to be honest. But the second one, is that he used to joke, all the time. Not dirty things usual boys at that age say. But dorky, really ingenious and funny jokes. Well at least I found them funny. So ME, who didn't laugh, or even smile much, couldn't help but giggle, yes GIGGLE, like a little three year old with a big colorful lollipop, every time he said something. And you know when you try to hide your laugh, and the only thing you actually achieve is laughing harder with basically no breathing and appearing to be seizing and making sounds of a dying pig. Well, that's exactly what used to happen to me._

 _But we didn't really talk, or have an actual interaction, until one day._

 _He was sitting in a bench outside school. He had a brand new phone, I had noticed. What I hadn't noticed though, is that I'd been paying a lot more attention to him than what I would've liked to admit._

 _"_ Hey..." I said almost whispering, maybe appearing a little shy, but smiling and sitting next to him. He looked up, and I saw him smile back at me.

"Meredith, hey!" He said a little breathless. He was looking back and forth between me and his phone. I frowned, it was getting a little awkward.

"What is it? Hot girlfriend on the phone?" I laughed freely.

"What? No. I wish" he chuckled and took a deep breath — might be interesting, I thought— "I have a new phone" Ugh, really? Showing off his new toy?

"So I see" I smiled "Very pretty, very nice"

"What I meant is... I have a new phone"

"Yeah I know, Derek" I giggled. Ugh I hate myself right now.

"Give me your number" After he said that, I don't think I've ever smiled that big.

 _And this is where the real story begins..._


	2. You're my best friend

**A/N: Hey everyone! So, this is my first fic, I'm glad some of you have read and liked chapter one! It'd mean a lot if you reviewed so I know how you feel about it! Thank you!**

 **\- Paz**

 _Chapter 2:_

 _You know that moment, when you're having this very good dream, but then you start hearing something going off, like a buzz, something weird, or maybe like... my freaking cellphone..._

 _I woke up instantly, when being a med student, there aren't many other things you can do when you think your alarm is going off. I saw who was calling. Of course. Who else could call me at 3:30 in the morning?_

"You realize I'm really close to cutting your balls off, right?" I said as soon as I picked up.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry!" I heard the person the other side of the phone say. I rolled my eyes. I was going to kill him. "But Mer this is an emergency I swear!"

"Derek..." I sighed. "Your emergencies are usually hair problems. What the hell is going on that couldn't wait until tomorrow?"

"I got in"

I jumped out of bed in a millisecond.

"You got in?!" God, too loud. Sorry, roommates, no sleep for you either then.

"I... Did" I could feel him smiling over the phone.

"Oh my god, Derek! That's amazing! I'm just... Wow. Congratulations!"

"Thanks, Mer..." He was still smiling. And so was I. It was hard not to. He'd been waiting for so long, and putting so much effort. And I'd been there, every step of the way. "I just found out. I couldn't wait to tell you..."

"No.. It's fine. I'm glad you called." I said in a whisper.

There was a small pause. We did this thing where we just enjoyed silence. Being quiet and knowing the other one is right there, hearing you breathe.

"You get that in two months you're going to be an intern? And part of one of the best hospitals in the country?" I said breaking our little spell.

"No" He laughed. "I still feel like we're in high school. I don't know how to survive an internship..."

I smiled remembering the old days. "Are you nervous?"

"More like scared as hell..." We both laughed.

"But you'll do fine... You'll be an amazing doctor, Der"

"Thanks, Mer" he took a deep breath "Thanks for everything. For being there. I don't know what I'd do without you." He chuckled.

"Right? I don't know what you'd do without me either!" We laughed "Don't worry, that's what life companions are for, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is..." We laughed again. Until I heard Cristina, my roommate, not so happily screaming from next door.

"Meredith! Go back to sleep right now if you don't want me to kick your skinny ass until the sun is freaking shining!" I laughed in silence.

"I guess you have to go" he said sadly.

"I do." I whispered. "But, I'll call you tomorrow, as soon as I'm done with my classes, okay?"

"Can't wait" I smiled. "Bye, Mer. Thanks, again, for... You know"

"I know... Bye, Derek." And I hung up. I always hung up first. When we first started calling each other, it didn't take me long to realize that he could never hang up first. If I wouldn't do it, he would stay quiet, but I knew he was still there. I could feel him, or whatever. It could take minutes of us just being in silence without hanging up. It was weird, but that's just how we do it...

 _It was 4:15 AM already, I knew I should be trying to sleep. But the news were huge. I was happy for him. Really happy. But him getting into Seattle Grace meant him all across the country from me. Even if we didn't see each other everyday, he was still in New York, just hours away from Boston. Not a flight away._

 _Even though we seem to be great right now, we started this thing with the wrong foot. He was supposedly in love with me but also too young to understand what love is. The thing completely blew up in our faces. We didn't talk for a whole year afterwards. So we decided we weren't made for that. But at the same time we knew. We are soulmates. God, what have I turned into? Cinderella? I mean, I know it sounds cheesy, but... It's a connection that everyone can feel. I know what he's thinking before he even realizes that he's thinking it. And he knows every time something's wrong with me when not even I can tell. And a lot of other thousand things that happen to us, only with each other. That's when we he named me his "life companion". A person who's always there no matter what. As a lover, as a sister, as a friend..._

 _We are best friends. But with a whole lot of sexual tension between us every time we're together. It's gotten easier over time, though. But still, we're scared to death to risk it. So yeah, we settle. Because having him as a best friend is better than not having him at all. Plus, he's the best thing that's happened to me, whatever our relationship is._

 _The bad thing, is that there is always one fear. He could find someone else. He has done it in the past. Romantically, I have no right over him. And I want him to be happy. And I know I'm emotionally unavailable. So, he could move on, he even should. And I would end up being 50... and single... living with cats. That looks great, Mer... Damn it!_


	3. He's leaving home

_Chapter 3: He's leaving home_

 _I was late. Of course I was. He was going to leave before I saw him. Why did this always happen to me? Oh my God, can these cars move any slower?! I still have five minutes to get there. I sped up, and somehow got safe and sound to the airport... Maybe breaking one or two rules... Okay more like breaking every single one..._

 _I ran as fast as I could to get to the "departure" part of the airport. And I was completely out of breath when I saw him, very comfortable, and not even close to hurrying, sitting at a cafe next to the gates._

"Derek!" I screamed as I ran towards him. "What the hell are you doing here?! Have you even checked in? Do you realize how late it is?" He laughed. What the fuck?

He put his hands on my shoulders, keeping me in place. "Relax, my plane doesn't leave until 5:30" He chuckled and I frowned.

"But you said at 4..."

"And it's 4:30 already..." He smiled "Meredith, you are at least half an hour late everywhere you go, I knew I would never see you if I'd told you my flight was at 5:30. And this way we can even sit and have some coffee" He tilted his head and gave me his dreamiest smile. Ugh I hate him. I rolled my eyes.

I arched my eyebrows and crossed my arms against my chest. "That's just completely untrue. And do you know how hard it was for me to get here? I am so offended right now!"

"I'll pay you back buying you a brownie." I laughed.

"Food fixes everything." He put an arm around me and we sat at the first empty table we found.

He leaned back on his chair and looked at me carefully "So, how have you been Mer?"

"I've been... Good. You know how med school goes. So... Yeah." He was reading me. I felt it. He did this thing with his eyes where I just knew he was seeing all through me. It was kinda creepy, but it saved me a lot of explaining... I saw the waitress coming up.

"Hi guys, are you ready to order?" She smiled and winked at Derek. What the hell? Does she not see me sitting right here? I made a disgusted face, and of course Mr. Know-it-all here caught me in the act, so he was trying his best not to laugh because he knows my tiny fists weren't so tiny when hitting him in the face.

"Yeah, I'll have an espresso, and let me guess... She'll have a mocha with extra shot of espresso... Oh, and a brownie" I nodded smiling. He could make me forget about anything anytime.

"That's right" I said to the waitress nodding. She looked disappointed when Derek didn't pay any attention to her and kept his eyes on me. "Thank you." She sighed and left. When she was far enough away I finally spoke again. "Somebody has a crush on you..."

He laughed. "Can you blame her?" I rolled my eyes at him "It's hard not to fall for this..." He pointed himself.

I giggled. And he suddenly appeared to feel so warm inside. I know he has a thing for my giggle. I, on the other hand, think it's vomit. "You know, you could easily be mistaken for gay with all that hair..."

"Mean." He squeezed his eyes. "And wrong! And you love the hair!" He said crossing his arms over his chest and pouting like a baby.

I laughed "I'm kidding... We all love the hair." I bit my lip. "But between you and me," I leaned in towards him "she really loves the hair" I whispered eyeing the waitress, who was actually eyeing us.

He smiled. "I'm flattered... But you know, it's not like I'm gonna act on it" I smiled knowingly. "Plus, I'm seeing someone" he said quickly. My heart stopped.

"You're... You're seeing someone?" I swallowed and just in that moment the waitress came with our order. And he took advantage of the situation, of course.

"Thank you." He said as she gave each of us our coffees, and quickly left. "She's weird" he said laughing. I was staring at my coffee. He was seeing someone.

"Who is she?" I said quietly, trying to appear normal.

"Her name's Addison Montgomery. I met her in Columbia" he said while sipping his coffee.

"Columbia was months ago, Derek. Have you been dating her since then?"

"It was nothing serious, that's why I didn't tell you. But then we got into the same program, we decided to give it a try."

"Oh, that's good." I faked a smile. Pointlessly, I knew he would know I was faking it.

"Mer..." He put his hand on mine. "You know if you'd just..."

I took my hand away and interrupted him quickly. "Don't. You know I can't. I'm happy for you, Der." I gave him a small smile and he sighed. "You deserve to be with someone who makes you happy" I made a small pause. "Well... I should go..." I stood up, grabbing my bag.

"But... You didn't even finish your coffee."

"I know... I just... Remembered I had this thing with Cristina. You know, plans..." God I suck at lying. He let out a deep breath.

"Okay, then. He stood up right in front of me. I'm gonna miss you..." He smiled nostalgically. "But you'll come to visit during your time off, right?"

"Yeah, yeah. I will. Well... Bye, Derek" I bit my lip and he threw his arms around me tightly. I rested my head on his chest and he held me like I was the most precious thing in the entire world. We stayed like that for what felt like a decade, but what really were maybe a couple of long seconds. He kissed my forehead and then we parted ways. I gave him the last reassuring smile before I started walking away. And I felt like I was breaking in a million pieces.


	4. All too well

**A/N: Hey guys! First of all I want to thank you for all the sweet reviews. I'm so glad you're liking it, I didn't even think anyone would read it, let alone like it!**

 **I'm having some trouble with the reviews... Although I do get them through my email, they don't get posted... I have no idea what's wrong, I may have touched something...**

 **I read that the jumps in time are a little confusing so I'll straighten that up. I wanted you guys to know how MerDer met, that's why the story starts when they're in highschool. But now Mer's in college and Derek's about to start his internship.**

 **Whenever you have doubts about something, let me know. English is not my native language so I'm sorry if there are many grammar mistakes!**

 **Keep up those reviews!**

 **Paz**

 _Chapter 4: All too well._

 _Addison Montgomery. I couldn't get her out of my head. Who was she anyway? And how come he'd never mentioned her before? She can't be that important if he hadn't bothered to tell me about it, and it's not like he hadn't had the opportunity, we talk once a week. And he always tells me these things. At least he used to._

 _I remember every single one of his girlfriends in fact._

 _Claire Sanders, he was with her right after we didn't talk for a year. She was a wild girl. The kind of teen who would smoke and end up drunk at every party at the age of fifteen. Cheated on him so many times I can't even count them._

 _Blair Mason, he dated him during his last year of school. She was a pretty girl. Typical blue eyed blonde with big boobs and apparently, no brain._

 _Violet Nowell, first year of college. The most boring girl I've ever talked to in my life._

 _And the list goes on. But what is weird, is that I knew about all of them instantly. And I haven't heard one word about Addison Montgomery. And it the fact that I don't know whether this is good or bad freaks me out a little... Well, a lot._

"Okay, enough, all the pacing is driving me nuts" I heard Cristina say. "What is going on? You've been with this "I-just-saw-a-ghost" face since you got back from the airport."

I looked at her and sat in front of her putting my head on my hands.

"Oh my God, don't tell me you finally slept with the guy..." She laughed. I was still serious. "Damn, is he that bad?"

"I didn't sleep with him Cristina."

She groaned "Ugh, it was too good to be true... So then what is it?" I kept quiet. "Oh, come on... Spill it already"

"He's seeing someone"

"He is?" She looked at me carefully. "Well, that's weird. I would've bet he either waited and screwed you or was gay..."

"Cristina..." I glared at her

"You get that you want to be with him, and he wants to be with you, but you're still putting this lame excuse of being emotionally unavailable... What the hell is that, anyway?"

"I just... I can't! Okay? I can't be in a relationship. I freeze. I don't do boyfriends. I do one night stands. And Derek? Derek does fairytales and magic, and tries to find "the one". It would crash us. Ruin us. Plus, tell me one couple you know that has lived happily ever after and loved their partner to death until the last second... Love ends. That's what I believe. And I also believe friendship is everlasting. So I'll go for that."

"Did you even breathe during all that?"

I rolled my eyes. She found my misery funny.

"Okay, fine... I'm just saying, don't you think you're overthinking it?"

"What do you mean?" I said frowning.

"I mean... Why do you analyze it so much? You want him. He wants you. That's clear. What's the problem?!"

"I told you... Love doesn't ex..."

She interrupted me before I could even start. "Meredith cut the crap already. Yeah, most people don't have forever. But, so what? Most people don't go to med school because it's too hard and here you are." She sighed. "I don't see why you keep thinking you deserve less than what you could have." She looked at me sadly. And I let out a deep breath and left me alone.

 _I wasn't overthinking it. It was just how it was. Fairytales and magic didn't go well in the life of Meredith Grey. Yeah, my parents didn't like me very much when growing up. I should blame them._

 _Anyway, I should go, keep thinking about Addison freaking Montgomery and how she ruined my life without even knowing her._

 **I'm sorry this was a little too short! I promise to make longer ones in the future!**


	5. You belong with me

**A/N: Hey guys! Thank you again for your wonderful reviews, I do get them, but they still don't get posted. Patsy and Cheryl I got yours! Thank you for worrying!**

 **There's another something about Meredith and Derek's age. Okay, where I live I could be in the same class as someone who's two years older asthan me. Of course not on** _every_ **subjet, but for example, if you want to take french, as it's not a compulsory subjet, you could be in the same class with younger/older people. So in this case, Meredith is three years younger than Derek.**

 **As regards Addison, don't worry too much. This is obviously a MerDer fic. But Meredith needs to realize some stuff before she gets her man.**

 **Enjoy!**

 _Chapter 5: You belong with me_

"So how are you liking Seattle so far?" I said holding the phone between my head and my shoulder while washing the dishes.

"Oh I'm loving it out here! Nothing like New York..." I could feel him smiling. "And I bought this land, Mer, you would love it! It's literally in the middle of nowhere... An hour away from the city, from the craziness... It's beautiful, and.."

"Hold on Mr. Ecstasy" I said laughing. "You bought a land? With what money? And how can you be so far away from the hospital? What happens when you're on call?!"

He smirked "You see, I have it all figured out... You know the money my dad had left me? I hadn't spend one cent of it. And I know he would've loved this place. It wasn't very expensive given the fact that it's 40 acres, and the views... They are amazing. I can't wait for you to see it all"

I smiled. I only had a month left until my break. I'd go visit him for two weeks. I couldn't wait either...

"Oh, and the hospital thing... Addie rented a flat a block away from Seattle Grace, so whenever I'm on call I crash there..." I dropped a plate making it break in a thousand pieces. I felt like I was being stabbed. Multiple times. He hadn't mentioned her in a while. I was about to forget that she even existed. "Mer, you okay?"

"Yeah... I just... That's... Great. Right? Things seem to be going good with her, huh?" I said trying to keep my voice from trembling.

"What was that noise?" He said chuckling. "You know she's... Nice. And we made some friends... We're having fun..."

I bit my lip as I felt my eyes start to water...

"Meredith? You there?"

"Yeah... I'm here" Get it together, Mer. "So tell me more about your land"

"God, you'll love it... I've never seen so many birds in my whole life, and at night, the stars are brighter than ever..." And I felt like smiling again.

 _We talked for hours. We always did. We could talk about anything. He was the only person who I knew would never judge me and would always understand me. I missed him. But we were used to the phone thing..._

 _In two weeks I'd be with him. And I'd have to meet Addison. And pretend that I don't hate her, or love her boyfriend. Basically, I'm screwed._

 _I just can't believe everything happened so quickly. It seems like yesterday that I graduated from high school. And now he was on the other side of the country. With a new person in his life. And almost without me in it._

 _I've had him in my life since I was fifteen. And he's never really left my side. Not even when nobody else was around._

 _Flashback_

 _"Hey" I saw him outside my front door._

 _"What the hell are you doing here?" I said angrily, without even totally opening the door._

 _"Came to see you" he came into the house, kind of forcing me out of his way. "I brought movies. And food." He smiled._

 _"I don't want you here. You should go." I said looking down._

 _"I brought... Uh, 'Miss Congeniality', 'The Proposal'... I've heard you like Sandra Bullock, so..." He looked at me smiling. "Meredith, I'm not leaving you alone. Not now, not ever. So save us both some time and stop fighting me already."_

 _I couldn't hold it anymore and I broke down into tears. It didn't even take him a second to hug me, and hold me tightly against his chest._

 _"Shh... It's okay, Mer..." He said kissing my forehead. "Get it all out. I'm here... Shh..."_

 _We sat on the couch in the living room and I laid my head on his legs while he kept caressing my head._

 _"She didn't even think about me..." I looked at him with teary eyes and I could feel his pain the moment he felt mine. "She wanted to kill herself and she didn't even think what it'd mean to me."_

" _I know, Mer... I'm so sorry you have to go through this... I'm so sorry" he kept saying. And I knew he was being as honest as he could. I knew he would do anything to take my pain away._

 _That's the moment I knew he was going to be a part of me forever..._


	6. Oh My God Part 1

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm sorry I didn't update too soon, but I hope you like this chapter, and Part 2 will be posted tomorrow, so stay tuned!**

 **Btw, there's someone who's reviewing in spanish and I'm really curious to know who she is, lol! Write your name please! I love hearing about how much you like the story. Thank you thank you thank you.**

 _Chapter 6: Oh. My. God. Part 1_

"You're freaking out"

"I'm not freaking out"

"You so are"

"Cristina! A little support wouldn't hurt" I said glaring at her.

"You have a right to be freaking out" She said chuckling "I mean, you're about to get on a plane to get to McLover... And McPerfectGirlfriend... And you haven't had sex in months." She smirked and I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, don't think I haven't noticed that. You're too loud to ignore. I've been sleeping like a baby for a long time. You need to get laid."

"Thank you. Thanks for pointing out the pathetic obvious, Cristina." I rested my head on my hands.

"Oh and... Are you still planning to spend those two weeks locked in that tiny trailer with him for two weeks?"

"Okay, you're making me feel so much better about this whole situation..." I said sarcastically.

"I'm just saying... I can't believe you haven't slept with the guy in almost ten years..." And that was my moment to smirk.

"You've been assuming this for years... But who told you I haven't?" I said with a creepy grin.

"Hold on." She laughed "Meredith Grey, just when I think you're boring, you rise... When the hell did that happen?!"

I laughed. "I haven't talked about this ever..."

"You can't leave me hanging like that. I've been following this story since I met you"

I laughed. "Cause you've been so nice about it..."

"Give me something, bitch"

"He was my first" I said looking down with a tiny smile.

"Oh my God, vomit." She made a disgusted face.

"Do you want me to tell you or not?" I snapped.

"Sorry... You're just too easy to get... Keep going"

"It was prom night. I wasn't going to go because I wasn't really into partying and stuff..."

"Really? You?" She arched her eyebrows knowingly.

"Fine," I rolled my eyes "I wasn't into high school parties with punch, nice dresses and guys in suits."

"Yeah I figured as much" she smirked

"Whatever. But... he was a senior. And he had a date, who was a complete moron... Lemme tell you, in our high school years, Derek hadn't figured out the perks of using hair products, and his face was growing a lot slower than his noise." Cristina laughed hysterically.

"God... And of course you chose to sleep with him then, and not when he's quite likable to women"

"Shut up."

"Okay, okay."

"Apparently, his asshole date, stood him up. And he really wanted to go. So he called me. I was the only girl he'd ever really talked to." I sighed. "After a lot of begging, I agreed."

 _Flashback_

"I _can't believe I'm doing this."_

 _"Remind me to thank you for the rest of eternity." He said smiling warmly at me while holding out his arm for me to grab._

 _"I don't understand why you even wanna come here..." He blushed._

 _"It's senior prom. I'm a senior. Whoever doesn't go is literally waiting for someone to write 'Loser' on his/her forehead." I laughed._

 _"Why do you even care, Der? Most of those guys have less than half a brain." I smiled kindly at him._

 _"I'm just sick of the same old story..." He sighed. "Come on, let's have some fun" He gave me a small smile and we got into the party._

 _It was... Very high school style. Too much for my liking. Bright colorful lights, and too many girls wearing pink. It kinda made my eyes hurt._

 _"Shepherd" I see some guys approaching us. One was clearly the leader of the group. God. Pathetic. "It's such a surprise to see you here." I could feel the air getting tense as he threw us a bad-boy grin._

 _"Hey... Um... Josh." Why the hell was Derek's voice shaking that much?_

 _"I heard Blair dumped your ass..." He laughed looking at me carefully. "But hold on... tell me... How does a beautiful girl like her come here with a guy like you?" He said getting closer to my face. I started to understand what this was all about._

 _"You mean, a guy with actual f_ unctional _neurons?" I said bitterly._

 _He laughed sarcastically. "A guy who's already eighteen and still a virgin... Because, really, who'd sleep with all that hair?" He laughed looking at his mates and I saw Derek's cheeks getting red and his hands sweaty._

 _"Wow, your dick must be really small to be talking so freely about other people's sex-lives" I chuckled._

 _"Feisty. I like that in my women"_

 _"Pity you're everything I hate in my men"_

 _"It's okay Mer. Let's drop it" I heard Derek whisper in my ear._

 _"It's not okay. But whatever. There's really no point on fighting with people who have the intelligence of a turkey" I gave them a fake smile and we walked away._

 _"You know, you didn't have to do that... But thanks." He smiled at me._

 _"I can't believe you let them treat you like that"_

 _"It's the end of high school, Mer. It's okay. I'll never see them again."_

 _I sighed, and we stood in silence for a couple of minutes._

 _"Are you really...?" I looked at him confused._

 _"A virgin? Yes." He tried to smile but I knee he was embarrassed._

 _I smiled at him trying to assure him that it was alright, and he smiled back, because he trusted me. I looked around and saw literally nothing interesting._

 _"Let's get out of here"_

" _What?" He said amused._

 _"My mom's in a conference in Boston and doesn't come home until Monday... And I have tequila." I winked at him while we got out of the party laughing and running to his car._

 _We got to my house, and I didn't waste any time. One drink led to another, and another, an another... Shortly after we were both almost completely wasted._


	7. Oh My God Part 2

_But..." I said while laughing hysterically "when he said nooowone would sleep with you" I grabbed his face. "He forgot 'bout me"_

 _"What?" He burst into laughter. "You'd sleep with all da hair?" I giggled_

 _"Yeah... You know I love the hair" I whispered and suddenly our faces were literally separated by half an inch._

 _His eyes were sparkling in a way I'd never seen before. He took my face in his hands and kissed me._

 _We had never ever kissed before. And I'd never felt the sparks that I was feeling in that moment. I knew we were friends. But the alcohol and the warm feeling made everything blurry and the thin line between friendship and love was soon completely erased._

 _It all happened way too fast. Clothes were thrown wildly on the floor and when I opened my eyes we were naked. First times are usually nothing romantic, and we were both a bit unexperienced... I had done some stuff, and he had too, but nothing about the real business, you know what I_ _ **mean?**_

 _I remember that he was gentle. He whispered sweet things to my ear. And kept asking me "Mer, are you sure?". But then, I just see flashes... I was in pain for a little while, but he made me feel so safe. So protected. And then I remember waking up._

 _Oh. My. God._

 _We were laying on the floor. With only a white sheet covering us. Our legs were intertwined, and he was holding me for dear life. I had to run. What did I do. What did I do. What did I do._

 _I felt him starting to wake up. He kissed my shoulder, and trailed kisses all up to my neck. I wanted to cry. What did I do._

 _"Hey" he whispered hugging me tight. I had ruined the best thing that's ever happened to me._

 _I knew he still had feelings for me. And I knew he would expect a relationship. I can't give him that._

 _"Mer... You feeling okay?" He said worried._

 _"I'm fine... Derek I..." I said with a low voice about to break._

 _"Damn, I didn't hurt you, did I?" I could feel horror in his tone._

 _"No, I'm fine... But, Derek..."_

 _"Oh, Mer... Last night was the most amazing night of my life. I've always known. You are the one. I love you, Meredith Grey." What did I do._

 _"Derek." I turned around and looked at him. My eyes were filled with tears and his expression changed in a second. "I think this was a mistake."_

 _I could feel his pain. I was breaking his_ heart, _and I've never forgiven myself. "But... Mer, we'd be so great together... I... I would never hurt you, or use you, or..."_

" _Derek..." I sniffled. "This will ruin everything we've achieved. Let's not... I just... I can't lose you. I can't even risk losing you"_

" _You'll never lose me" His eyes were begging me to say 'we can do this'._

 _"Really? Because if I remember correctly, last time we didn't speak for a year." He closed his eyes and I saw a tear coming down his cheeks._

 _What did I do._

 _I hugged him tight, not knowing what to do. Did I mention we were still naked? Yeah. Awkward._

 _"So, we'll just pretend this never happened?"_

 _"It's for the best, I promise" and then I felt him hug me back._

 _"I trust you."_

 _We stayed like that for some minutes and then we went on with our lives. Laughing about everything and being us. That day was never ever mentioned afterwards._

 _End of Flashback_

"And that is how I slept with Derek Shepherd"

"God you're damaged since you're sixteen. That has to be a record."

"Shut up!" I laughed.

I was leaving in two days. Too many emotions were invading me. I'd spend two weeks living with Derek Shepherd. And it all came rushing back.

 **A/N: Well, this one was a little shorter, sorry! But next update, Mer will go to Seattle and we'll see how things go from there!**

 **Thank you for your reviews! They do mean a lot to me!**

 **Paz**


	8. Oh, the feelings

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm sorry I didn't update sooner, I'm literally in the middle of nowhere, so of course I have very poor signal! I spent a lot of time thiking how this should be, and I figured they have to take it really slow at least at the beginning! I hope you like it!**

 **Reviews always make me wanna write more! Thank you for those!**

 **Paz**

 _Chapter 8: Oh, the feeling._

 _Landing. I was landing in Seattle and I felt my stomach twist. I heard the pilot announce that it was eleven in the morning, and a temperature I couldn't even hear due to the fact that my mind was completely in the person who was waiting for me outside._

 _We were allowed to unfasten our seat belts and look for our things. I didn't have to look for any baggage, I only had a carry on and a little bag, so I went straight to the door that said "Exit". I saw him as soon as the doors opened. I'm pretty sure I had tears in my eyes. He was smiling widely at me and so was I. We were frozen in time and space. It was like we were the only people in the whole world._

 _I ran towards him and he hugged me spinning me around. It must have looked like we were two lovers getting back together after a long time._

"I've missed you!" He said as he let me stand back in my own feet.

"Me too..." I said sighing and looking at him carefully. He looked well rested. Which was weird for an intern. But amazing at the same time. "You look great, Der..."

"You too!" He caressed my face. I hated when he did that. It made me weak on my knees. "Let me help you with that" He said taking my bag and carry-on.

"Thank you." I smiled as we started walking towards his car. "So... Shouldn't you be at the hospital?"

"I switched for a week to work on the night shift... So I could spend more time with you at least the first few days, and I worked on some days off so I'll have the weekend and two more days available" I smiled.

"You didn't have to do that, Derek. I know the life of a surgeon."

"I'm your friend before I am a surgeon. You deserve better than just "the life of a surgeon"" I giggled.

We got in the car and I asked him. "Where are we going?"

"Well, first, I figured you'd be hungry. So we're going to an Italian restaurant, the finest one I could find" he winked at me and I laughed. "And after that, we're going to my land." His eyes suddenly started to shine the minute he mentioned his precious magical place.

I smiled as big as I could. "Can't wait"

We got to the restaurant and ordered, and Derek started with the 1000 questions apparently...

"So, what's new?" He said while taking a sip of his wine.

"Nothing really..."

"Come on, I don't buy it. You're young, hot and starting med school. I'll start worrying if there really isn't anything new" He chuckled and I laughed.

"It's just... My head has been filled with medicine..." Partly true. I had been studying a lot... And sleeping with random guys to forget about this one guy sitting in front of me. But of course I wasn't about to tell him that.

He frowned and looked at me suspiciously. "Okay, you don't wanna talk about that." I avoided eye contact. Damn him. "Then... Do you still live with Cristina?"

Cristina. Perfect thing to talk about for hours before we get any close to my love life. "Yeah, she's been great. I mean, she can be a pain in the ass sometimes. She's messy. And studies all the time. So no noise. Except when she's bored. Then she likes to make fun of my pathetic and lame life. And she..."

"Okay, what's wrong with you?" He said laughing.

"What do you mean?"

"You've been avoiding personal questions as if I was some kind of stranger but you give me a million details about your roommate" he looked at me confused.

I give up. "It's just... I guess it's kinda like you're a stranger. It feels a little weird, don't you think? Being here, after all this time... I don't know. It feels like you're not real"

He smiled. "It does. We have two weeks to get used to it."

Our food arrived and we started eating feeling more at ease with each other.

"By the way, Addie's dying to meet you... But she's working right now, so I was thinking, maybe lunch tomorrow?" I'm pretty sure I was having a seizure in that moment.

"Yeah, me too... I'm dying to... Sure. Lunch." I said whispering and he smiled at me. I was dying.

"She's intense. But you'll like her" he said. I doubt it. I smiled and avoided answering before I started voicing out all my thoughts.

"This is delicious... But if I eat another bite I swear I'll explode." I giggled and he laughed too, calling the waiter for the check.

 _We were done, and we started our way to his land. I could feel him get a little nervous. I knew it was important for him what I thought of his place. After getting out of the ferryboat I thought we were going to get killed in the middle of the wilderness and no one would ever know._

 _We started reaching trees, and more trees, and finally I could see a little shiny thing through the distance. This was it._

"Oh my god. That's the trailer!" I said excitedly.

"That's it" he smiled as I could see the trailer get bigger and actually reach it. I got out of the car immediately, not wanting to wait another second. I took it all in, and it was better than what he had described. Trees everywhere was an understatement. All I could see was green, and the sky was crystal clear. Everything was so peaceful, and quiet. Perfect for him. I looked at him in awe. He was looking at me with the same expression.

"You like it?" He asked anxiously.

"Are you kidding?" He smiled at me "This is amazing... I love it."

"Come, I'll show you around" he held out his hand and I took it, starting our hike. There was a lake that had a little deck, and I could only imagine the beauty of sunsets from that spot. Everything was incredible, and I'd never seen Derek happier than right in that moment, showing off his piece of land. It was getting dark when we came back to the trailer. Derek carried all my stuff, and we finally got into it.

It wasn't very spacious. Though, perfect for one person. He didn't need anything else. But the first thing I noticed was the bedroom. One bed. Two people. My breathing started to quicken.

"Um... Derek?"

"Yes, Mer?"

I looked at him worriedly. "Um... How... Ugh... Howereyouplanningforustosleep?"

"What?" He laughed.

"There's only one bed!" I snapped.

"Oh, yeah. I work at night remember? And I can crash on the couch when I come back."

"Oh, right..." I sighed relieved. "I can sleep on the couch, Der."

"But you won't"

"Derek, you'll be a lot more tired than I..."

"Meredith, we're not even discussing this. You're taking the bed" I sighed in defeat.

"So at what time do you start working?"

He looked at his watch. "Well... I should get going by... Now" he buffed. And I smiled at him letting he know I understood. "Wait for me"

"Don't worry, it's not like I can go anywhere" we laughed.

"Okay, there's food in the fridge, eat everything you want. Although, if your culinary skills haven't evolved much since the last time I saw you I'd recommend you to just deal with the microwave, this thing gets on fire a lot faster than your kitchen" he smirked and I smiled falsely. He came closer and stood in front of me. "I'm glad you're here".

This felt like eye-sex.

"Me too" I smiled, he kissed my forehead, and left.

 _How will I survive two weeks with this man?!_


	9. Goodnight, goodnight

**A/N: Hey everyone! I'm so so sorry it took me so long (again), this was not on my plans, I didn't know I wasn't going to have signal until February!**

 **Anyway, here it is! I hope you like this!**

 **Keep up those reviews and thank you for the amazing feedback!**

 **Paz.**

 _Chapter 9: Goodnight, goodnight._

" _This is the day I've been waiting for so long..."_

 _He smiled at me and kissed me deeply, everyone started clapping and I could feel my eyes start to water and exploding with happiness. He looked into my eyes and we started making our way out of the church. I looked at my left hand and a golden band was looking right back at me. Married to my best friend, the love of my life. This is forev... What the hell is that noise?_

"Mer..." I opened my eyes. Of course I had to be dreaming.

"I was having a very good dream and you ruined it." I groaned and covered my head with a pillow. "What time is it?"

"It's 5 A.M"

"WHAT?!" I threw the pillow at him. "I still can sleep for like four more hours!"

"Yeah, me too, and the couch is really uncomfortable, so move, you're leaving no space"

"What? You'll sleep here?" I said with a scared expression.

"Meredith, I swear I'm too exhausted to even look at you." He groaned.

"Okay, okay, I'll move" I gave him half the bed and laid on my side, so my back was facing him.

"Like we've never slept in the same bed..."

I laughed in silence. "Shut up"

Small pause.

"Meredith you have like... four pillows and I have none, share please."

I looked around me. Two supporting my head. One between my legs. I was hugging one. "But I need them"

"All four of them?"

"Ugh." I gave him the one I was hugging.

"Thank you. Thank you so much for your amazing generosity."

"I won't give you more than that"

"You should get two, and I should get two, that's how it works" I felt him too close.

"No, it doesn't work like that when I'm playing"

"It works like that when I haven't slept for twenty-four hours."

"But why do you even need two?!"

"Seriously?! Why do you need three?" He sat down and he took one of the pillows that I was using for my head.

I felt him lay down and there was silence again.

I needed to turn. But if I did I would be facing him. I would be looking straight to his face. His dreamy, kissable face. And I wouldn't be able to contain myself.

So yeah, the silence didn't last long.

"Derek?" I whispered

"Mhmm...?" I heard him moan.

"Which side are you facing?" I continued whispering.

"What?"

"Of the bed. Which side are you facing?"

"What do you even mean?" He sounded so confused...

"Are you facing my back or..."

"Yes, Meredith. I'm facing your back. Can we go back to sleeping now?"

 _Shit. I really wanted to turn._

 _I felt his breathing start to slow down and I knew he had fallen asleep. We were so close and I still felt him so far away. Almost ten years... that I'd lost. I still can't believe it took me so long to realize I'm in love with him. I blame my mother, like I do with every other fucked up thing in my life._

 _She did screw my emotional capabilities over though. Apart from not ever demonstrating love in any way. Screwing a man that wasn't my father in front of my face at the age of five clearly traumatized me. And telling me that my father left just because I'd told him what I'd seen, well that just... Ruined the rest of me. But whatever. I could be with him. If only I wasn't a coward, at least that's what my shrink thinks, but... What the hell is resting on my hip?_

 _Oh my god. A hairy, strong, manly, perfect, god I'm pathetic, arm is now resting on the curve of my waist. I couldn't move. When had he moved that much? He was still sleeping, I felt him breathing on my neck. And I felt his chest on my back. I could breathe again. I feel like we should go to sleep like this everyday. But at the same time it felt like it was too messy. He has a girlfriend, who I am supposed to meet tomorrow. And we live in different states. We can't jump into anything right now. But we can pretend. We can pretend that this is just another night, of us in each other's arms, on his beautiful land, and that we are going to do this for the rest of our lives..._

 _I snuggled further into his arms, and fell asleep almost instantly._

 _When I woke up the following morning I was still curled up against him. But something was different. His breathing had changed... He was awake. He was gently moving his hand up and down my arm. I don't wanna open my eyes, because then the pretending would be over._

 _I felt him stare at me. He leaned closer until I felt his breath on my neck. He kissed my neck, and I felt all the hairs of my back stand. I couldn't hold it any longer and I let out a moan. He quickly left my personal space, though his chest was still strongly pressed to my back._

"Mer, you awake?" He whispered nervously.

 _I didn't answer and I tried to stay as still as I could. After a few seconds he caressed my hair and I felt him get up, and leave the room._

 _Damn that was close!_


End file.
